Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Letterman’s Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

// November 25th, 2003 // No Comments » // tagged:

10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. 9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you. 8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire. 7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese. 6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose. 5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. 4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet. 3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds and toliets. 2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. And the number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle is... 1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit!

The Dog Named Sex

// October 4th, 2003 // 3 Comments » // tagged:

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex." Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid!" When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday.

Boston Strangler Commended

// September 4th, 2003 // No Comments » // tagged:

Back in 1971, Rep. Tom Moore, Jr. of Waco wanted to demonstrate that his fellow legislators in the Texas House of Representatives often passed bills and resolutions without fully reading or understanding them. So, he sponsored a resolution commending Albert de Salvo for his unselfish service to "his county, his state and his community." It read, in part: This compassionate gentleman's dedication and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the lonely throughout the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of concern for their future. He has been officially recognized by the state of Massachusetts for his noted activities and unconventional techniques involving population control and applied psychology. The joke, of course, was that Albert de Salvo was more commonly known as the Boston Strangler, believed to be responsible for the murders of thirteen women in the Boston area between 1962 and 1964. As he expected, Rep. Moore saw his resolution passed unanimously; he then withdrew it and explained that he had only offered the motion to demonstrate a point.
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