Today is the 5 year anniversary of the death of one of my close friends. On pretty much every other day other than today, when I think of Amber I think about all of the hilarious fun times we had together -- of how we laughed and cried together so many times. She was a ... bright light in my life! An exuberant spirit ... a kind-hearted girl with such a witty sense of humor. I am so thankful that I was able to be a part of her life. I treasure our friendship and the many many memories that I will always have of her.
But on this day, the day she died ... I tend to remember the last year of her life ... and how all of us around her lived and breathed everything to do with her diagnosis, her chemo treatments, the bone marrow transplant, remissions, the re-emergence of the cancer, and the eventual realization that she wasn't going to beat it. It all started with what seemed to be a cold .... and then suddenly it wasn't a cold. It was leukemia. Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. I can still remember being shocked to the bone hearing her say those three words. For 11 months, we spent weekends at Vanderbilt while she was going through treatment. When she went into remission, we all went to Six Flags in Georgia and she wore a cool blue cap to cover her beautiful bald head. The cancer came back ... and back to Vanderbilt we all went. We held bone-marrow match donor rallies ... and a donor was found! She got the transplant ... and it didn't work.
And she died March 9, 1999. I think that was the biggest shock of all ... not for one moment did I ever think that she would actually die. I mean ... that happens to other people. Not my friend. She's only 22 years old. She just got married! She's going to go through chemo, have a bone marrow transplant, and then we can get on with living our lives. I believed it! Through two rounds of chemo, we all still believed it! How could it be any other way?
And so that was my first real up close and personal experience with cancer ... it took a wonderful woman from all our lives. A woman I loved, respected, and cherished as a friend.
I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to let you know there are people out her who understand what you're going through and went through. My grandmother came in and out of cancer remission about 5 times from the time I was 6 until I was almost 17. We never thought it would take her though. She was a fighter. Unfortantly, it simply got to be to much and in June of 2001, she gave up the fight.
I still see or do certain things that make me think of her. I still can't go to her spot in the cemetary without crying. But I remember the good times too. But I know she's happy and watching over me, and it makes things better. And I'm certain the same can be said for your friend.
Heh, sorry to leave such a long comment. :oops:
Hey Lacy, I was really touched by your blog. My mother too passed away this past December from Cancer. I know how hard it is to watch someone you so deeply love go through so much pain.
And like you, even till the last days I didn't believe that she wouldn't pass away. It wasn't a thought.
I take comfort in the fact that both our loved ones are in a better place now, and while I deeply miss my mother, I will never forget the lessons I've learned from the experience. I have a greater sense of humility and life.
Again I extend my thoughts to you,
Kelly
My grandfather passed from colon cancer two years ago. He was a vibrant, active man and it just completely sapped all his strength and energy. It all happens so fast. One minute they're there, and the next they're not. I know he's in a better place now, and not in any pain.
Thank you for writing about this. It is a very touching, beautiful entry. :)
Wow - I am overwhelmed by the emails and comments I have received about this entry. I'm glad it touched some of you ... I doubt there is anyone who hasn't been touched my cancer in someway - whether through a relative or friend. And yes, it is comforting to know that Amber, and others who have died, have been "healed" and are in a better place.
Late, but I'm sorry too - my grandpa died from lung cancer after a long fight. He was posted at some towers in Texas while in the Air Force and was around a lot of radiation, so it really was a blow that it was probably from that. Anyways, just thought I'd say I'm sorry. :hug: